Stolen Privacy & Blog Longing

In the last month there have been a heap of times when I've wanted to post on here, I've opened my laptop, signed in, clicked 'new' and then have decided against it.  101 topics have been flowing through my mind, most of which interesting and yet somehow I've not been able to click the buttons and write the page.  I wasn't sure why but then it hit me.

When I started this blog it was a release.  An unknown page where I could vent and release all my thoughts, feelings, laughs, worries and insights to an unknown crowd without being judged.  Putting your heart and soul out there for the world to see isn't an easy feat and so while my location, face and name have never been disclosed, the content of these pages have been nothing if not brutally honest.  A place where I can show my many faces without worrying what people think.

The thing is... A while ago, that release was breached.  My little piece of sanity in this world was tracked down, scrolled through and wolfed down by someone in my day-to-day life. Someone who knew I had the blog and despite knowing what pleasure it gave me to submerge my innermost thoughts into the world anonymously, how it helped me cope, and made me smile, they decided to steal it.  They stole the hiding place for my words and in doing so took my go-to place.  My safe haven.

I was in one of the deepest darkest places I've ever been in 2009 when I scrawled my first page and the whole thing has been the biggest form of free therapy a 21st century chick could ask for.  The question is can I bring myself to continue... knowing that this person; someone from my real-world, a thief, who wasn't invited into this realm of reality, could at any given time find and read my inner most thoughts is disgusting to me. 

I'm torn.  

I'm at a point in my life when I feel waffling on about nonsense with the occasional blurb about how I'm feeling is just what the Dr ordered and is exactly what I need right now.  Especially knowing that some of you have been with me on my journey since it started and I really enjoy getting your messages and comments; but I hate that in doing so I'm opening myself up to someone else without invitation.  OOJ told me he would never read my blog after he found it and I wanted to believe him but realistically I've written very little since.  Do I throw it all away and start again, saying goodbye to Ser3ndipity and all of you...?  Or do I leave myself open in a way that no-one ever does to the people in their lives?  

In an ideal world we all know that if you found somebodies diary you should leave the pages unturned, but how many of us could resist.

I miss my blog and I hate that someone took it away from me.

Gabrielle Aplin - Salvation
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