Wondering

A few things this last couple of days have had me really wonder about the Cherry situation... 

Is this the right guy for me?
Was I ready?
Am I ready?
Will I ever BE ready?
Are we right for each other?
Is he right for me?
Beyond the sexual is there anything there?
Is he too... bleugh?
Surely someone more spontaneous is better for me?
Is what I'm looking for something that I could never find?
How into me is Cherry?
Why is he so closed in some respects?
Is he feeling the same?
Will it last?
Do I want it to last?
Should I split up with him?
Would he care?
Would be be better as FBs?
Is that something he would want?
Will I always second guess myself in this way?
Have I been hurt so much nothing will ever be right?
Could Cherry hurt me?
Do I like him enough?
What made me tell him my secret?
Why is it that since then he seems to have shown a more loving side?
Is Cherry as f*cked up as I am?
Hmmm...

I Need You - James Newton Howard Ft. Vonda Shepard
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Just Like The Movies

I've been applying for jobs and working my ass off this week so I'm soooo glad it is the weekend.  I have zero funds and no plans so in comparison to last weekend I think it might be a quiet one, but I have to say... I'm looking forward to it.

The last few weeks have been filled with drama, stress and people so I think a weekend of Ser3ndipity time might be just what the doctor ordered.  Anyway, enough about the 'normal' and time to tell you about the fun things I've been up to this last week.

Girls night last Friday was a mixture of embarrassment, giggles, drunkenness, excess, honesty, and annoyance...

I picked Clio up early evening and as soon as we planted our bums on my sofas, the wine was opened and the conversation flowing.  Luckily I had wine on the rack as I had popped to the supermarket on the way to pick Clio up and was refused alcohol as they felt I was 'too young'.  It was a bitter sweet pill to swallow as I had a major hankering for the specific bottle of red I had picked out and yet to be told I look 13 years younger than I am... blissful!

Clio told me all about this new guy she has met a couple of times from the internet - 13yrs older than she is, owns two businesses and has definitely lived a full life up until now (marriage, kids and some seriously interesting life twists).  I've a feeling she might be seeing this one a little while and had been SOLD that he might actually be worth her time until mid-evening when he called.  Clio had told him that she was meeting me and I believe they have had a couple of conversations in which I have cropped up so of course the guy is a little curious.  He had sent Clio a couple of texts as we were munching our takeout and putting the world to rights - no biggie!  But to call when he knows that she is on a 'girls night' and they aren't even dating... Pissed me off.  Of course I told Clio to answer if she wanted and before I knew it Ante (this is what we are going to call him) was on speakerphone and I was asking him a few questions... the kind that a sharpened tongue might throw out, I mean WTF... Get back in your box!  Its girls night!

I think Ante managed to steal at least 30mins of our evening before Clio recognised that I was becoming thoroughly annoyed at the situation and put it to an end.  Don't get me wrong bloggers, I am all for a potential new boy making sure he is never far from your mind... but to call!?!  Outrageous.

By the time Ante was off the phone I had entered the world of excess and was on 5th glass of wine, 4th slice of pizza, and was officially cruising the land of the drunken; so I just threw it out there 'Were you serious about wanting some help with this oral sex, handjob thing'... Clio's face was bright red with embarrassment before she managed to mumble out the words 'yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm crap at it'.

Welcome the transformation from 'normal girls night' into 'the kind of girls nights that guys imagine/we see in the movies'... Hello dildo's!

The next hour or so was filled with giggles and probably one of the most honest conversations I've ever had with someone I've not known since high-school.  Clio fully embraced 'the lesson' and I was left feeling like some kind of phallic superhero.  Don't get me wrong bloggers... Through the years I've pretty much worked out that in terms of pleasing a guy in that way I knock most women out of the water, but to actually encounter what other women have thought was a great way to tough a guy or give oral sex... eye opening!  I'm pretty sure Clio took on board a few things, and she did seem to have a slightly improved technique by the time she had left but it has left me pondering something...

Are all women this shocking at oral sex and hand-jobs?  And, is there a niche market out there to be filled in terms of some kind of adult sex education master class?  (What do you think?)

On a side note... Things are most definitely not one sided in the bedroom department with Cherry.  Maybe we should team up and conquer the world adult sex class style

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How Many Licks - Lil Kim Ft Sisqo

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Lip Gloss Gossip

I am soooo in need of a girls night tonight! 

A couple of hours ago I was pretty sure something had come up as Clio had fallen off the radar which is unusual for her as she is a phone addict (has 2 and is on them alllll the time); but I have just been informed that we are good to go.

• Decent bottle of red (for me) - Check
  
• Bottle of rose (I've no idea what is decent there as it all tastes awful to me) for Clio - Check
• Malteasers & Aero bubbles - Check
• Gin & Vodka (just in case) - Check
• Face masks - Check
• Hair straighteners & makeup on standby (we shall be trying out a few new looks) - Check
• Two dildo's - Check
• New top I've bought for Clio as a surprise (she needs cheering up) - Check
• Nail polish & fluffy socks (ohhhh yeah) - Check
• Takeaway menu's - Check

If you were reading properly and didn't just skip that list 'because lists are boring' you will know that tomorrow's blog might be one to watch out for.  Yes... Clio now back in the dating world and following a rather clunky bedroom experience is feeling a little un-confident when it comes to certain aspects of new relationships so tonight we are going to be partaking in a glass or two of wine while I bring her up to speed.  Who knows... I might pick up a few new tips of my own ;)

Through The Glass - Stone Sour

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Here Comes The Boom

Sometimes life is really a challenge and at the moment it feels like life is standing around each corner with a plank of 2 by 4 ready to smack me in the face at every single opportunity.  Well screw you life!  I've never been the type of girl to give in and I don't intend to start now.  

Let me break it down for you...

MONEY

Basically I have none.  My bank account is in an eternal state of 'overdraft' so essentially not only do I not have money, but the cash I do have is already someone elses.  While I only own one credit card and I have less than £100 on there, the bills are rolling in. 

• I clearly decided I needed to be 'too warm' over the winter months and  so despite paying a hefty set amount to my energy supplier every month as this has previously enabled me to keep a rolling credit, this time around I actually owe them money.  The same goes for lighting... apparently my dislike of living in the dark is an expensive one.
• My car swallowed my entire bonus and despite an unexpected gesture from my brother who covered the entire cost of one repair, I am still in the land of 'recovery' and need to find another £400 I don't have to clear the insurance.
• Bridesmaid duties are stealing my cash and my time and due to a change in plans by Herb and bridesmaid #2, rather than them come here next month I now need to visit them again so hello to 2 flights, 4 bus tickets, 4 train tickets and the other chunk of cash I will need to be all 'ooo weddings'.  The hen weekend deposits, etc have also been a challenge.

So enough of that... I have no cash.  You've got it.  Simples.

LURRRVE

I've no idea where my head is at with Cherry.  

• Last week we hadn't seen each other for a while and our sexual tension had built up to breaking point.  Last weekend we met and rather than go into details I'll tell you all you need to know to jump to the right conclusions...  Cherry came over at 4ish, I answered the door wearing lingerie, Cherry left shattered the following morning as he had sports team training and I spent the next two days feeling like I'd gone three rounds with Nicola Adams.
• Since then we have both had a mega cold so between that and some intensity over the weekend I think we are both a little bit lost.

WORK

• The company I currently work for is at the start of an outsourcing deal.  I can't say much more at this point as with my position I know more than I really should, but the bottom line is - If I didn't need a career before, I certainly need a new job now.
• Application wise I seem to be applying like a mofo and getting nowhere.  I'm starting to appreciate that in this climate it isn't WHAT you know but WHO you know and unfortunately as a girl from a rough council estate with her roots set firmly in the lower class... I KNOW... NOONE!

FACEBOOK

• To Facebook or Not To Facebook... The jury is back.  We facebooked.

COMING UP...

Friday: I'm meeting Clio for a girls night (I'll tell you more about it tomorrow), it is sure to make for one interesting blog so watch this space.  I'm also set to go to the GUM clinic tomorrow to get my annual female MOT and to have my IUD removed - better decide now if I'm going to have a replacement in or am going to opt for something hormone based (urgh).

Saturday:  Hopefully meeting Red in the morning for coffee and a catchup then  it will be an afternoon of housework before meeting Cherry for dinner and a gig.

Sunday:  I've work but I shall be utilising the company printer to get 30 copies of my CV printed for next week when I fully intend to get suited up and head out knocking on the RIGHT doors in the hopes of securing a position.  Applying for advertised roles is clearly not working for me so it is time the up the ante.

Here Comes The Boom - P.O.D

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Keep On Keeping On

Well this last few days have been nothing short of filled with bad luck bloggers.

My car has officially become a total nightmare.  If it isn't one thing, its a

nother and all the while the bloomin thing only just passed its MOT and this time it appears my attempt at mechanic isn't quite good enough.  I dropped it 300 miles down South at my brothers on Sunday in the hopes that someone we know will be able to work out if it is worth fixing.  I then drove the 300 miles back in mums car with her in tow (she fancied a few days change of scenery) only to have her exhaust die during the trip so it was hello garage for a haggle from £149 to £99 and then goodbye even more cash.

Work wise, things are all over the place.  This girl can't seem to get a break in terms of employment despite my zazzy applications.  Ironically last week I spoke with OOJ who gave me a bit of a dressing down and a pep talk.  Apparently I sounded a little 'negative' which is something he said he was shocked at as is totally out of character for me and so he gave me the kick up the bum he felt I needed.  It worked a treat and while I'm still hitting my head against a brick wall, I am doing so with the same gusto as a shark chasing a steak.  OOJ equally sent me a couple of jobs he felt would be of interest (they weren't) but I definitely needed an injection of va-va-voom and he certainly helped.  My current position is in turmoil due to the company I work for being in a mess Internationally.  Big changes are afoot.

Love life wise I'm feeling a little... dull.  Cherry and I are taking things slowly which is definitely the approach I need to be embracing, however between one thing or another I think we are both walking a tightrope of sorts.  Rock on the summer.

Driving back down South again tomorrow to drop mum and her car off and see what's going on with mine so I shall ping you when I'm back.  Cherry... He's off on a stag weekend.  Lol.

To Facebook or not To Facebook

That my bloggers, is the question.  At least in the modern world.

As you know, I'm a bit of a Facebook addict.  I'm not someone who logs in to play games (in fact send me an invite to play candy crush or farmville more than once, and you are likely to either be deleted as a friend or at the very least removed from my news feed), or posts on a daily basis (maybe once or twice a week), but I do click the app on my phone at least three to four times a day to see what people are up to and to check out any interesting links/music.  I basically have a mini snoop.

I joined Facebook perhaps mid way through the revolution back in 2007 as Mr X kept singing its praises compared to my 'childish' sites such as MySpace and Bebo.  At first I hated it, you couldn't customise anything, nothing much seemed to happen, and the only people I had as friends were those that lived in the states.  A few years later and I actually know a couple of people with two accounts!  (Come to think of it, so do I... One for this blog and another for me). You meet someone new at work... they send you a request.  You go on a date... they send you a request.  You get chatting to a few people on a night out... they send you a request.  You are tagged, poked and liked to within an inch of your life and everything happens at light speed.  

The key to success within this world I have found, is to be selective in whom you invite to this inner circle of comedy Kodak moments and unfiltered procrastination.  I never invite/accept someone I'm dating, I'm careful with work type people, and as for Katie who used to live next door to you when you were seven who suddenly popped up and sent you a request... Accept, wait a day or two and then delete.  Trust me, Katie only wanted a snoop and won't even notice, you and she have about as much in common these days as a badger and a hedgehog.

The however quandary arises when you meet someone and you decide to become exclusive.  These days everyone is on Facebook and so as sure as chickens lay eggs something at some point will happen that will act as a catalyst to the 'add a friend' reaction.  In my case, it was one of those 'he/she is at the bathroom so I will have a quick peek and see what is going on' in the bar moments that somehow sparked a conversation and abracadabra... 'Ser3ndipity has added you as a friend'.  

Cherry has now been on my Facebook now for a few weeks.  He has essentially been handed an all access backstage pass to the good, the bad, the ugly and if he spent a little time browsing, a pretty concise view of the last five years of my life. I hasten to add here that I have NEVER posted about Mr X or anything to do with my dating/personal life.  Cherry on the other hand... limited.  His Facebook consists of a few photos (perhaps 20-30 compared with the hundreds I have been tagged in over the years), and a few status updates and bits of blurb scattered around.  Don't get me wrong bloggers, I'm not one of these cyber stalker people, but when you 'make friends' on Facebook it is a bit of a given that the first place you will click is the photos section and in this exchange, I drew the short straw.  On a scale of 1-10 in the utilisation of Facebook stakes, it appears I am perhaps a 7, where as Cherry is most definitely a 3.  Don't get me wrong, from conversations, I know he logs in often and has a similar number of friends to me on there, but in terms of his own updates, minimal.  And that brings us to the current dilemma...

When should you update your 'relationship status' on Facebook?

Before you start jumping to teenage conclusions, let me explain why this is something on the radar.  I'm not one of those 'air your dirty laundry' Facebook users, if you have had a crappy day or someone has said something mean to you... keep it to yourself!  Don't go posting 'he said, she said' all over the internet and similarly, don't go updating your relationship status every time you get laid or meet somebody new.  I like gossip as much as the next person but trying to keep track of whether someone is 'in a relationship', 'single' or are 'in a complicated relationship' is exhausting when they seem to change their mind on a monthly, sometimes weekly basis (A particular girl I know springs to mind here who has kept the rest of the world entertained with her yoyo relationship and cheating on/off fiancé for at least the last six months).  I also don't want to hear your RIP messages, see what you ate for your dinner, or hear about 'what a wonderful bf/gf/husband/wife you have'.  Just keep it coming with the comedy gold, witty procrastination, new music, interesting articles; and the occasional update about what is going on in your life.  As for the rest... I can do without it. 

That said, when you meet someone, date a while and then decide to give things a go, there is something to be said for updating things in the cyber world.  It removes the need for that awkward moment in a conversation with one of your close friends when you know you should tell them you're now off the dating band wagon, but it somehow feels like in doing so you are standing on a table doing the whole 'look at me, look at me' thing.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that updating your relationship status online wouldn't bring about the same, if not more attention, but it is the equivalent of letting off a fart in an elevator, within seconds and without the need for conversation, everyone knows.  All it takes is one click of the button and you have suddenly made the move from 'Ser3ndipity who dates a lot and runs in the other direction as soon as a guy starts to want commitment' to 'Ser3ndipity girlfriend'.  Simple.  

Reading this back, I can see I haven't really made a great job of explaining why I feel making this move is perhaps an important one for me.  Maybe when all is said and done it is about taking the last step to firmly close the Mr X book and in some weird way, I need that to be almost like a public announcement? 

Either way, I feel like I'm in 'weird ass stalker territory'.  Cherry is clearly a private person and so asking him to make such an update could be something he feels really uneasy about, but just updating my own status without adding the 'with...' part I know will somehow not scratch the itch and so is something I refuse to do.

Who knew meeting someone new would be so complicated.

Kate Miller-Heidke - The Tiger Inside Will Eat The Child
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The Strawberry Theory

Timing.  Life is all about timing.  

Logging online at the right time to find the perfect job just before the closing date, bumping into an old friend on the subway because you left 10mins late for work, forgetting your mobile and returning home only to realise you could have left your hair straighteners on, and of course... Sex.  

I tend to be the kind of girl that makes a guy wait if I'm dating.  Ironic really considering I'm also one to embrace the 21st century world of the FB when emotional commitment goes out the window and pure pleasure is on the cards.  The thing is bloggers, I'm a firm believer in the strawberry theory.  

The Strawberry Theory

You can pick a perfectly ripe looking strawberry, instantly take a bite and be somewhat disappointed.  It looked soft and juicy on the outside, but underneath the red exterior lay a slightly bitter, overly firm bite.  On the other hand, you can pick the same berry, place it in water overnight and the next day bite into the most succulent, sweet mouthful you could imagine.

Sex my bloggers is like a strawberry.
If instant gratification is all you are after, firm and slightly bitter is perfectly acceptable, however if you are going to be eating the fruit often, why not wait a while and ensure you are getting the best.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to the strawberry theory, however both Clutz and Mr X from the first date waited two and three months respectively.  So you see bloggers, it would have been crazy to take such a tried and tested successful measure and ignore it with Cherry.  Although after several heated dates, a heap of hot texts and a post date 'night cap' last weekend, I quickly decided that six weeks was perfectly acceptable.

My parting thought for tonight's blog entry... Yowzer I have missed sex!

Joshua Radin - You Got What I Need
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